Domestic violence is a serious crime.
Threatening, hitting, kicking, punching, pushing, stalking and harassing another person are crimes. Having sex with a person against that person's will is also a crime. Being married does not change this. A person committing these acts can be arrested, charged, convicted and jailed.
Psychological, emotional and financial abuse should also not be tolerated, although they are not considered to be crimes.
If you or your children are experiencing any of these forms of abuse, you are not alone. There is help available for you. If you are being physically or sexually assaulted, call the police. The police, with your consent, will call the Victim Crisis Assistance and Referral Services (VCARS). VCARS volunteers can provide you with short-term assistance, such as emotional support, practical help and referral to community agencies.
If you do not wish to call the police or you are experiencing other forms of abuse, there are resources in your community to help you.
Talk to your doctor, people at your community information centre or community health centre. They know about services in your community that can help you and your children. Your doctor can take care of your injuries and make a note of them in your file. These records can be used in court to prove to a judge that you were assaulted.
Talk to a lawyer about what you can do to protect yourself and your children. You can also call the Victim Support Line (VSL) whose staff can tell you about services in your community such as sexual assault and counselling programs, shelters, legal aid clinics and children's services including Children's Aid Societies.
In addition, the VSL can provide referrals to community programs to those who abuse their spouse/partner. If your spouse/partner abused you and is now in jail, you can make arrangements with the VSL for them to notify you when your spouse/partner will be released. Callers can also access recorded information about how the criminal justice system works, from arrest and sentencing to release procedures.
If your case goes to court, there are Victim Witness Assistance Programs (VWAP) in many communities to help you go through the court process. There may also be Domestic Violence Courts. These courts provide direct support to victims in domestic assault cases. In some cases, those who have assaulted their spouse/partner for the first time are referred to an in-depth counselling program. Even where there is no formal Domestic Violence Court, the prosecutor's office may be able to offer a program to support your case in a speedy and effective way.
There is also an Office for Victims of Crime that looks at how services to victims of crime in Ontario are being provided. You can write to this office if you have concerns about any gaps in the services you require.
It is important to find out about resources in your community. If you have to leave your home and you have no money and no place to stay, you may be able to get welfare, subsidized housing, legal aid and free counselling.
The restraining order must be served on your spouse/partner as soon as possible but you do not have to serve it yourself. It's best to have someone else serve it for you. If that's not possible, the court will assist you.
If your spouse/partner disobeys the restraining order, you can call the police. The police will want to see the restraining order. Keep it with you at all times. They may also ask you if your spouse/partner knows about the restraining order. If the police believe that your spouse/partner has disobeyed the restraining order, he or she can be arrested and charged with a crime.
Before a judge will order your spouse out of the home, the judge will consider if there was violence in the relationship, if there is another suitable place for you to live, if it is in the children's best interests to stay in their home, and your financial position.
If the judge agrees to an exclusive possession order, your spouse must move out and stay out of the house. If he or she tries to come in, you can call the police and he or she can be arrested.
Restraining orders and exclusive possession orders may not be enough to stop a violent person from hurting you. Your spouse/partner is already breaking the law by hitting you and may be prepared to break other laws by hurting you again.
If you are a woman in this situation, a women's shelter, in your community may be the safest place for you to live with your children for a while.
Psychological, emotional and financial abuse should also not be tolerated, although they are not considered to be crimes.
If you or your children are experiencing any of these forms of abuse, you are not alone. There is help available for you. If you are being physically or sexually assaulted, call the police. The police, with your consent, will call the Victim Crisis Assistance and Referral Services (VCARS). VCARS volunteers can provide you with short-term assistance, such as emotional support, practical help and referral to community agencies.
If you do not wish to call the police or you are experiencing other forms of abuse, there are resources in your community to help you.
Talk to your doctor, people at your community information centre or community health centre. They know about services in your community that can help you and your children. Your doctor can take care of your injuries and make a note of them in your file. These records can be used in court to prove to a judge that you were assaulted.
Talk to a lawyer about what you can do to protect yourself and your children. You can also call the Victim Support Line (VSL) whose staff can tell you about services in your community such as sexual assault and counselling programs, shelters, legal aid clinics and children's services including Children's Aid Societies.
In addition, the VSL can provide referrals to community programs to those who abuse their spouse/partner. If your spouse/partner abused you and is now in jail, you can make arrangements with the VSL for them to notify you when your spouse/partner will be released. Callers can also access recorded information about how the criminal justice system works, from arrest and sentencing to release procedures.
If your case goes to court, there are Victim Witness Assistance Programs (VWAP) in many communities to help you go through the court process. There may also be Domestic Violence Courts. These courts provide direct support to victims in domestic assault cases. In some cases, those who have assaulted their spouse/partner for the first time are referred to an in-depth counselling program. Even where there is no formal Domestic Violence Court, the prosecutor's office may be able to offer a program to support your case in a speedy and effective way.
There is also an Office for Victims of Crime that looks at how services to victims of crime in Ontario are being provided. You can write to this office if you have concerns about any gaps in the services you require.
It is important to find out about resources in your community. If you have to leave your home and you have no money and no place to stay, you may be able to get welfare, subsidized housing, legal aid and free counselling.
Laws for victims of abuse
There are laws to protect you and your children from violence.Access orders
Ontario's child protection laws protect children against physical, sexual and emotional harm. This conduct may also be a crime. If your child is a victim of abuse by the other parent, you can ask the court to deny that parent access or allow access only if it is supervised.Restraining orders
A person who has been assaulted by his or her spouse/partner can ask the court to make a restraining order. The restraining order can be general - that your spouse/partner has to stay away from you - or it can be specific. It can say that your spouse/partner must not come to your home, to your place of work, to your children's school or to other places where you often go (for example, your place of worship or your parent's home).The restraining order must be served on your spouse/partner as soon as possible but you do not have to serve it yourself. It's best to have someone else serve it for you. If that's not possible, the court will assist you.
If your spouse/partner disobeys the restraining order, you can call the police. The police will want to see the restraining order. Keep it with you at all times. They may also ask you if your spouse/partner knows about the restraining order. If the police believe that your spouse/partner has disobeyed the restraining order, he or she can be arrested and charged with a crime.
Exclusive possession of the family home
The rules on exclusive possession of the family home apply only to married couples. If you are married, you can ask the court for the right to live in your home and to make your spouse leave. You have an equal right to stay in your home even if the home is in your spouse's name.Before a judge will order your spouse out of the home, the judge will consider if there was violence in the relationship, if there is another suitable place for you to live, if it is in the children's best interests to stay in their home, and your financial position.
If the judge agrees to an exclusive possession order, your spouse must move out and stay out of the house. If he or she tries to come in, you can call the police and he or she can be arrested.
Restraining orders and exclusive possession orders may not be enough to stop a violent person from hurting you. Your spouse/partner is already breaking the law by hitting you and may be prepared to break other laws by hurting you again.
If you are a woman in this situation, a women's shelter, in your community may be the safest place for you to live with your children for a while.
Stopping Abuse
If you are physically or emotionally abusing your spouse/partner, you can do something to stop. You can:- talk to a counsellor about your violent behaviour;
- find out about groups that help men who abuse their wives or partners;
- call your doctor, a community information centre, a community health centre, the Victim Support Line (VSL) or a counselling service to get the telephone number of a group in your community;
- talk to an Employee Assistance Program counsellor who may be able to help; and
- accept responsibility for what you say and do.
Emergency Checklist for Assaulted Women in Crisis*
- When he is assaulting you, call the police. Tell them you are being assaulted.
- When the police arrive they must lay a charge if they believe an assault has taken place.
- Make noise: neighbours may call the police.
- Teach your children to call the police.
- If you can, take the children when you leave.
- Ask if the police can go back to your home with you later to get things that you need.
- Open a bank account in your name and arrange that bank statements are not mailed to you.
- Save as much as you can.
- Set aside money for a taxi and quarters for pay phones.
- Plan your emergency exits.
- Keep emergency numbers with you at all times.
- Hide extra clothes, house keys, car keys, money, etc. at a friend's house
If you have to leave in a hurry, try to take:
- Extra car or house keys
- Passports, birth certificates, immigration papers, health card, social insurance number
- Prescriptions and other medicines
- Emergency suitcase already packed, if possible
- Some special toys and comforts for your children
