For me, my diary is the reason I got help in the first place. When I was close to a breakdown, I sent a copy of my diary to an online counsellor looking for help. Their reaction to it helped me realize the severity of the situation that I was in.
After I left him (I literally had to move to another city to get away), he followed me and he convinced me to try and reconcile. He was very persistent and eventually I gave in to him. We spent four years trying to reconcile. I was not convinced that he had changed, but his persistence kept me from ending it. I would always refer back to my diary to remind myself of what he did, and how he treated me, and it helped me to see that his behaviour did not in fact change. If it wasn't for my diary, it is possible that I may never have received the help I needed to free myself from his hold.
My diary consisted of e-mails that I sent to myself detailing the incidents of abuse as they happened. I also included emails that I sent to friends or family during times of stress and frustration. Here are only some of those e-mails which I feel will give you a sense of what I went through and shows you the mentality behind the abuse and the abusers manipulation and control tactics.
8 comments:
I wish you had told me more, so I could have been there for you more and help get you out sooner before the nastier stuff happened! KS
Dont feel bad, the family had no clue either. I couldn't share at the time ... it was too embarassing. But now that I'm out of that situation I see that it was wrong to feel that way. That's why I'm posting this ... so that others realize that ... whatever embarassment they may feel at the time, its only temporary ... but the abuse - that never goes away until you get out - and to get out, you need to tell. It's that simple.
Hello
I have been reading your blog and I feel you are such a strong and independent woman who made a very brave decision to leave this horrible situation. You said that this was your second marriage. I do not mean to pry but what happened to your first marriage was your ex also abusive?
Hi there,
I didnt feel strong at the time but i managed somehow. Thank you.
No, I dont mind answering your question.
No, my first marriage was very different. He was a good person, but we were both unprepared for marriage. We were struggling and then we had my daughter, and thats when things fell apart. We stayed together for 5 years for my daughters sake, but just as room mates.
I finally decided that that wasnt good enough any more, so i initiated the separation. And then my second husband came along ... He was charming and i had been celibate for a long time so i wasnt seeing him for who he really was. I was flattered by all his attention and didnt realize it was all about him, and his wants, and about him being in control. I learned the hard way unfortunately the truth behind his actions.
May i ask about you? Are you in a good relationship, or did you visit my blog looking for some answers/assistance?
Hi
I am not in a relationship at the moment. I was prior but he was emotionally abusive and I ended things I knew there is someone better for me out there. I guess like you mentioned in your blog there is always a turninig pt to where leaving is the only option.
Were you young when you first got married like high school sweethearts
No I wasnt young, but I hadnt had any other relationships before then, just dating, and I grew up with parents who had a very unhealthy relationship so I didn't have much to draw from. When the first marriage ended, I just wanted to be happy. So I found someone who made me happy - initially - but the relationship was built on lies, and I was stubborn and was determined to make it work. I spent way too much time and effort trying - for so many different reasons - and hurt myself and my family in the process. I regret I wasn't strong enough to end it earlier, but you can't live in the past. What's done is done, and now I can only change my present and my future, and this is what I am doing. Every day is a challenge AND an opportunity. I have lots to live for now, and I plan to make the most of the years that I have ahead of me.
Well the most important gift is your children and you have become a role model for them . I am happy that you have moved on. Like you said whats in the past is in the past. Is your daughter living with you you need all the support that you need
Yes I am grateful for my children. They make it all worthwhile.
Thank you for taking the time to comment on my blog. I appreciate the feedback, and it was nice chatting with you. Take care.
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